Honestly, I'm just trying to understand. I know people, to this day, who (while sad) I wouldn't be surprised to find out if they did this. Kyle was not one of those people.
This one is getting to me worse than I would've ever imagined. Me and him were friends, don't get me wrong, but we maybe had spoken twice since graduation. So why is this getting to me so much?
He had SO much potential. So much. I never met somebody who caught onto things, who understood the world and what he wanted to do as much as Kyle. I easily saw him running a television station in about five or ten years. No question about it. He was the definition of a down-to-earth kind of guy.
I felt so bad for him. During his time as GM of STN, he did so much. He tried so hard. His goal was always for the betterment of the organization. He never seemed to have any type of ulterior motive, any selfish reasoning. Yet, people were always questioning him, always giving him crap for who knows what reasons? Because he didn't quite fit in with the rest of us? Because he sat in the corner and wore his headphones so he could get his work done? Because he talked too much? I never understood why so many people had so many problems with him. He was really was a great guy.
I do not dis-include myself from this. Me and him fought. I disagreed with some of his decisions, and I made it known. But we talked. A lot. He would vent to me about his issues with the organization, and I remember on more than a few occasions just sitting in the engineering room in the studio talking, or sitting in the office at night, talking. Honestly, I missed it when I left. He was one of a very few objective observers that I could talk to about anything I wanted.
I'll never forget, the end of my freshman year, STN's GM and Chief Engineer Kevin Callahan. It was during elections, we all knew Kyle was going to win. Kevin got up and (I don't remember the quote 100%) but it was something along the lines of "I'm glad I'm graduating now, because this kid is about to surpass me in knowledge", something like that. From a senior to a freshman engineer, that is about the best compliment you can receive. And it was true. He had such a knack for what he loved. He was amazing at it. I could ask him any question and get a 20 minute rambling answer about it, but he always knew what he was talking about. And you know what? That 20 minute rambling answer was his way of making sure he explained it the best way he knew. It meant a lot to him to make sure your question was fully answered.
I remember this summer. We hadn't spoken for a few months, and I believed I IM'ed him (might've been the other way around) because I was depressed about not being able to find a job and I thought he could help. We talked, for about a half hour, just BS'ed about how things were going, and it really helped. I only talked to him online a few times, and I honestly I wish I could've done it more. He had a way to make you feel better if you really needed it, without even trying.
Please people, don't just brush this off. Take it to help yourself. Brendan, if you are reading this, I saw you put in your status earlier when you found out that the last contact you had with him was an argument about a suspension. I hope all of you (including myself) can maybe find a way to drop the little things. So many of us hold stupid little grudges about the tiniest little things. Find a way to forgive. You never know when something horrible like this could happen, and you don't want the last thing you said to a person to be the worst thing you've said.
Kyle obviously had some serious demons. I won't pretend to know why he did this. But I can be sure he is not the only person out there who feels like it. If anybody has ever wondered why I push people to get help, to talk about their problems, it's because this is usually the alternative. Demons always win. Please be there for anybody you can. Please try to help them, don't make it worse. I urge anybody with demons to get help. It doesn't have to be with a therapist, it can be with a friend. Talk to someone. Get it out there. Nobody should have to suffer alone.
*Edit: I'd like to make a point to make sure people remember this. When bad things happen, it changes people, for about three days. Then you forget about it, and move on. That shouldn't be the case. I'm not saying we should be depressed forever, as I know Kyle wouldn't want that, but we should not just brush it aside. Make a point to be there for whoever you can be.
This is going to be tough to get over. Kyle, you were a great person and a better friend. If you believe in it, I hope you are sitting in heaven, talking God's ear off. I can't thank you enough for everything you did. Not just for me, but for everyone, for STN, for FOX, and everyone you touched down here. You had such a bright future. I am going to miss you man, very much. You taught me about television, and so much more. Rest in peace, buddy.
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