We all have that one friend....
Tonight, I saw that one friend. You know, that person who you don't speak to for about six months, then when you get together it's like nothing has changed. Yeah, that person.
Her name is Amanda. We were good friends in high school. She was probably my best friend in high school actually, but we didn't spend as much time together as we should have, and I missed out on a hint that may have changed our lives dramatically, but I'm kind of glad I missed it.
Anyway, that friend. The person who you may not always think about first about when asked about your friends. That person who has probably been in your life for awhile. You had a different group of friends. Probably didn't hang out with them TOO much. There was probably a point in your lives where you did spend a lot of time together. Then, something happened. You didn't get into a fight, you just....went your separate ways. One of you may have moved away, one of you may have gone to college, and you just sort of fell out of contact. You may talk here and there, send an occasional text, but certainly not talking every single day.
Then, one day, you see the person. May have been a few months, may have been over a year. But nothing changes. It's like you just saw them yesterday. You guys get back to talking about your lives, where you've been, where you want to go, but just for that one night, it's like you guys are best friends again. You leave, and everything reverts to normal. But here's the thing...
You know that if something happened to you, regardless of where that person was, they would be the FIRST person there. They would drop everything they needed to do to help you out. It doesn't matter if you talked with them the night before, or you didn't talk in a year. They would be there in a heartbeat.
I think that person may be the most important person in our lives. We might not realize it, but they are. How important is it to know that somebody is out there like that? I'm not talking about family, I'm not talking about a friend you spend your days with, I am talking about that person.
Think about it. I would bet my life savings (and that isn't much) that you have that person. The objective bystander, if you so choose to call it that. Another great quality about that person is they are truly objective. Most of the time, they aren't around or don't know your group of friends. If you are dying for an objective opinion, that is the perfect person to go to.
This is obviously my experience with Amanda. I'm not saying all of you have the same experience. And I'm sure some of you reading will say "I know my best friend, I see him/her every single day, I love them, etc." If you are saying that, please reread this, because that is not who I am talking about. It's great to have that person, but I believe that person is even more special.
Random Compliment:
Amanda (obviously)- I just want to thank you for having my back. We go through our long spells of not talking, not seeing each other (probably my fault), but you really have been amazing for me, for years now. I'm sorry so many awful things have happened to you and I wish I could've been there to support you through them. As I said tonight, you are a strong strong person. Think about all the positives you have going for you, because there are a lot of them. I hope to keep you in my life a long time. You have been awesome.
Think about taking a few minutes to tell your person the same. Thank them for everything they have done and let them know how special they are to you.
R.I.P. Kyle
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Back To My Roots
I originally started this blog to write mostly about sports, but for some reason it turned into posts about me. Not quite sure why. Tonight, I'm going to get back to my roots and I'll give some opinions about some different rhelms of sports.
Let's start with NASCAR. I'm not sure how many of you watched the Talladega race on Sunday, but if you didn't you missed one of the best, and cleanest finishes I have ever seen in a race.
Jimmie Johnson edged out Clint Bowyer by .002 seconds (tied for the closest finish in NASCAR history) to take the race. 88 lead changes during the 499 mile event. That doesn't count the lead changes that happen during a lap, just when they get back to the start-finish line. So, in 200 laps, 88 times there was a different leader than the lap before. That's pretty incredible.
There were enough subplots to this race to look at. Dale Earnhardt Jr. deciding not to try to break his 100-race winless streak and push Jimmie to victory, the lack of "the big one", Ryan Newman making two incredible saves, and of course, the difference in racing that we've ever seen in 'Dega. That would be the one to focus on.
Look, I don't care what drivers say, I don't care that attendance was down, watching that type of racing was exciting. Yeah, we don't have 33 cars within one second of each other, but watching cars trying to find partners was almost like watching the ugly kid trying to find a date for the prom. There was always somebody left out, and watching who ended up hooking up with who was interesting. What other race would you see Dave Blaney leading the second most amount of laps and being around near the end? What other race would you see 8 cars having a shot to win on the final lap? None. People say "So what? I have to sit through three hours of boringness to enjoy the final lap?" Uhh, yeah. How's that any different than watching three hours of an NBA game for the final two minutes? It's not. I love that type of racing, I hope it doesn't change.
Let's move onto the NFL. At 7pm, the NFL released its regular season schedule. Normally a time for fans to look to see if they get to watch their team and figure out who they have a shot in hell of beating, the 800 pound elephant in the room (aka lockout) has really put a damper on everything else. The Dolphins have the first MNF game of the year, which normally I'd be jumping for joy about, but instead the question in my mind is, will there even be a season?
It's taken the fun of the offseason. This would be a time to start complaining about the Dolphins not going for a certain player in free agency, but instead, nothing. I just finished my top 10 prospects on Phin Phanatic (check out the series, really, www.phinphanatic.com search: top 10 prospects) (...shameless plug for myself) and I've loved learning about all the prospects. It's been a learning experience for me, but the draft has a bit of damper on it by this stupid lockout. No trades on draft day, no nothing. Bleh. LET THEM PLAY.
And last and most certainly least, the New York Mets. This team is horrible. It's one thing for my parents to make me a Dolphins fan, but the worst thing you can ever do to a child is make them a Mets fan. A little part of me dies every time I have to admit I like this team. This year, a non-existent offense. A defense (more specifically, an outfield) that cannot play defense, and a pitching staff that is made up of minor leaguers. It's embarrassing and I honestly feel bad for Terry Collins for being stuck with that job. The one bright spot of this season is that I went in with no expectations. I knew this team would be horrible, so the fact that they are playing horrible doesn't make me feel any worse.
One thing I came across the other day was a video of David Wright playing catch with some young Atlanta Braves fans before a game. That made me happy. In the MLB and pretty much across all sports, athletes are seriously starting to gain a rep of being complete selfish assholes. In my cases, it's true. Lost in all the crap about how bad the Mets are is David Wright. He truly is one of the few remaining good guys.
The good thing about this season is that I have fantasy baseball to distract myself with. I'm currently playing Obi this week, and if I lose to him again I might cry, loudly.
That's pretty much it. Nice writing about sports for a change.
R.I.P Kyle
Let's start with NASCAR. I'm not sure how many of you watched the Talladega race on Sunday, but if you didn't you missed one of the best, and cleanest finishes I have ever seen in a race.
Jimmie Johnson edged out Clint Bowyer by .002 seconds (tied for the closest finish in NASCAR history) to take the race. 88 lead changes during the 499 mile event. That doesn't count the lead changes that happen during a lap, just when they get back to the start-finish line. So, in 200 laps, 88 times there was a different leader than the lap before. That's pretty incredible.
There were enough subplots to this race to look at. Dale Earnhardt Jr. deciding not to try to break his 100-race winless streak and push Jimmie to victory, the lack of "the big one", Ryan Newman making two incredible saves, and of course, the difference in racing that we've ever seen in 'Dega. That would be the one to focus on.
Look, I don't care what drivers say, I don't care that attendance was down, watching that type of racing was exciting. Yeah, we don't have 33 cars within one second of each other, but watching cars trying to find partners was almost like watching the ugly kid trying to find a date for the prom. There was always somebody left out, and watching who ended up hooking up with who was interesting. What other race would you see Dave Blaney leading the second most amount of laps and being around near the end? What other race would you see 8 cars having a shot to win on the final lap? None. People say "So what? I have to sit through three hours of boringness to enjoy the final lap?" Uhh, yeah. How's that any different than watching three hours of an NBA game for the final two minutes? It's not. I love that type of racing, I hope it doesn't change.
Let's move onto the NFL. At 7pm, the NFL released its regular season schedule. Normally a time for fans to look to see if they get to watch their team and figure out who they have a shot in hell of beating, the 800 pound elephant in the room (aka lockout) has really put a damper on everything else. The Dolphins have the first MNF game of the year, which normally I'd be jumping for joy about, but instead the question in my mind is, will there even be a season?
It's taken the fun of the offseason. This would be a time to start complaining about the Dolphins not going for a certain player in free agency, but instead, nothing. I just finished my top 10 prospects on Phin Phanatic (check out the series, really, www.phinphanatic.com search: top 10 prospects) (...shameless plug for myself) and I've loved learning about all the prospects. It's been a learning experience for me, but the draft has a bit of damper on it by this stupid lockout. No trades on draft day, no nothing. Bleh. LET THEM PLAY.
And last and most certainly least, the New York Mets. This team is horrible. It's one thing for my parents to make me a Dolphins fan, but the worst thing you can ever do to a child is make them a Mets fan. A little part of me dies every time I have to admit I like this team. This year, a non-existent offense. A defense (more specifically, an outfield) that cannot play defense, and a pitching staff that is made up of minor leaguers. It's embarrassing and I honestly feel bad for Terry Collins for being stuck with that job. The one bright spot of this season is that I went in with no expectations. I knew this team would be horrible, so the fact that they are playing horrible doesn't make me feel any worse.
One thing I came across the other day was a video of David Wright playing catch with some young Atlanta Braves fans before a game. That made me happy. In the MLB and pretty much across all sports, athletes are seriously starting to gain a rep of being complete selfish assholes. In my cases, it's true. Lost in all the crap about how bad the Mets are is David Wright. He truly is one of the few remaining good guys.
The good thing about this season is that I have fantasy baseball to distract myself with. I'm currently playing Obi this week, and if I lose to him again I might cry, loudly.
That's pretty much it. Nice writing about sports for a change.
R.I.P Kyle
Friday, April 15, 2011
Is that what friends are for?
It's early in the morning. My mind has been racing all night. I need to write.
The concept of having a best friend is something of a foreign concept to me. Throughout my life, I've had good friends, I've had girlfriends, but never really a best friend. Sure, there is one guy who I've known for a long time, somebody who I'll usually hang out with if he is around, but would I consider us best friends? Probably not. We barely talk if we aren't together.
That fact hasn't changed. However, I've been forced to observe a friendship recently that has made me question if I ever actually want a best friend.
Let me pose a question. Does a best friend have carte blanche on the other person? What I mean by that is simple. Is a best friend supposed to control the other friends life? It would make sense that they would expect to spend the most time with each other. They are the best friends, they should spend the most time together. But does a best friend have a right to get upset when the other spends time with other people?
The answer to that is even simpler than the question. No. When that starts happening, the best friends have turned lovers (minus the sex, in most cases). That shouldn't be the case. That should NEVER be the case. The best friend is more than welcome to give advice about the people, to question why they are friends, but they have no right to make the other person feel like crap to have other friends.
Here's the deal. Friendship (like anything else in this world) is a two-way street. There has to be some give-and-take involved. Friendships die when one person tries to take control. When it stops being fun. They have those great memories from past days, before things got complicated. Sometimes, those memories can make a friendship last a few extra months, possibly more.
This leads to one or both being very unsatisfied. I beg people to take a look back at their own friendships. If you see this happening, stop it now. If it happening with the other person, TALK to them. If they are really your best friend, they will listen and they will attempt to understand. Somebody who won't listen, who can't handle even the smallest bit of criticism from their best friend, is not a best friend. Plain and simple.
This is not directed at any one person. If you are arrogant enough to think I am writing specifically about you, too bad. I see this happening around me all the time and it is always difficult to watch.
Do I want a best friend?
P.S. Happy Spring Fling to everyone at Hartford. Wish I could be there too.
Random Compliment:
Michelle- You know you are a good person when the worst thing somebody can say about you is that you are too nice. I pray that you are able to get out from where you are right now, because you can do some great things in this world. Don't get pigeon-holed. Follow your dreams and don't let anything (or anyone) get in the way of them. You will be happy one day, I promise.
R.I.P Kyle
The concept of having a best friend is something of a foreign concept to me. Throughout my life, I've had good friends, I've had girlfriends, but never really a best friend. Sure, there is one guy who I've known for a long time, somebody who I'll usually hang out with if he is around, but would I consider us best friends? Probably not. We barely talk if we aren't together.
That fact hasn't changed. However, I've been forced to observe a friendship recently that has made me question if I ever actually want a best friend.
Let me pose a question. Does a best friend have carte blanche on the other person? What I mean by that is simple. Is a best friend supposed to control the other friends life? It would make sense that they would expect to spend the most time with each other. They are the best friends, they should spend the most time together. But does a best friend have a right to get upset when the other spends time with other people?
The answer to that is even simpler than the question. No. When that starts happening, the best friends have turned lovers (minus the sex, in most cases). That shouldn't be the case. That should NEVER be the case. The best friend is more than welcome to give advice about the people, to question why they are friends, but they have no right to make the other person feel like crap to have other friends.
Here's the deal. Friendship (like anything else in this world) is a two-way street. There has to be some give-and-take involved. Friendships die when one person tries to take control. When it stops being fun. They have those great memories from past days, before things got complicated. Sometimes, those memories can make a friendship last a few extra months, possibly more.
This leads to one or both being very unsatisfied. I beg people to take a look back at their own friendships. If you see this happening, stop it now. If it happening with the other person, TALK to them. If they are really your best friend, they will listen and they will attempt to understand. Somebody who won't listen, who can't handle even the smallest bit of criticism from their best friend, is not a best friend. Plain and simple.
This is not directed at any one person. If you are arrogant enough to think I am writing specifically about you, too bad. I see this happening around me all the time and it is always difficult to watch.
Do I want a best friend?
P.S. Happy Spring Fling to everyone at Hartford. Wish I could be there too.
Random Compliment:
Michelle- You know you are a good person when the worst thing somebody can say about you is that you are too nice. I pray that you are able to get out from where you are right now, because you can do some great things in this world. Don't get pigeon-holed. Follow your dreams and don't let anything (or anyone) get in the way of them. You will be happy one day, I promise.
R.I.P Kyle
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Shock and Awe
I just returned home from paying my final respects to Kyle.
I could not be in more shock from what I saw. The amount of people that came out to say goodbye to him was a spectacle unlike any other. The wait to get inside on a cold and windy day was upwards of two hours, yet people came out and stood there. Why? To say goodbye and thank you to a person who touched the hearts and lives of so many others.
I mentioned in previous posts about Kyle's contribution to STN. But he was so much more than just STN. Kyle was a resident assistant for three a half years, he was on the Village Community Council, and if that wasn't enough, he was a volunteer firefighter. He didn't drink or do drugs, he didn't smoke, he just helped every person that came to him and even those who didn't.
I pray that Kyle was somehow able to see the outpouring of support for him today. The amount of people and the diversity of them was staggering. He touched so many people from some many different places. I may search for the rest of my life and never find anybody who measured up to what he did.
When we were talking today, the topic that kept coming up was "why did he do it?" That would be the standard question to ask, and it's something I have wondered, but I think it's unfair to his memory to dwell on that. Instead of questioning his death, we should be celebrating his life. In such a short time, he did so much for so many people.
I wish I would've spent longer inside the parlor. I ended up getting there early and I was in and out within 10 minutes. I should've sat down. I should've honored his life longer. I wish I did. I was nervous, I was feeling uneasy and I didn't want to cry. I wish I did. I feel like I let you down Kyle, and I'm sorry. You were always there for me and I wasn't there long enough for you.
I said in my last post that we should give people compliments more often, so I'm going to attempt to compliment someone in every post. I won't know if they read it, but I hope they do.
Random Compliment:
Suzie: Me and you I don't think have ever truly seen eye-to-eye. We are different people, we always will be. But you have such a talent. What that talent is? Seems to be whatever you try. You were an amazing reporter, you are an amazing photographer and when you were doing shooting and editing, you were amazing at that too. I hope you are able to pick something you truly love and go with it, make a career out of it and become the best at all. I know you have it in you.
I hope Kyle is finally able to rest now. I hope he was able to see just how many people loved him.
R.I.P. Kyle
I could not be in more shock from what I saw. The amount of people that came out to say goodbye to him was a spectacle unlike any other. The wait to get inside on a cold and windy day was upwards of two hours, yet people came out and stood there. Why? To say goodbye and thank you to a person who touched the hearts and lives of so many others.
I mentioned in previous posts about Kyle's contribution to STN. But he was so much more than just STN. Kyle was a resident assistant for three a half years, he was on the Village Community Council, and if that wasn't enough, he was a volunteer firefighter. He didn't drink or do drugs, he didn't smoke, he just helped every person that came to him and even those who didn't.
I pray that Kyle was somehow able to see the outpouring of support for him today. The amount of people and the diversity of them was staggering. He touched so many people from some many different places. I may search for the rest of my life and never find anybody who measured up to what he did.
When we were talking today, the topic that kept coming up was "why did he do it?" That would be the standard question to ask, and it's something I have wondered, but I think it's unfair to his memory to dwell on that. Instead of questioning his death, we should be celebrating his life. In such a short time, he did so much for so many people.
I wish I would've spent longer inside the parlor. I ended up getting there early and I was in and out within 10 minutes. I should've sat down. I should've honored his life longer. I wish I did. I was nervous, I was feeling uneasy and I didn't want to cry. I wish I did. I feel like I let you down Kyle, and I'm sorry. You were always there for me and I wasn't there long enough for you.
I said in my last post that we should give people compliments more often, so I'm going to attempt to compliment someone in every post. I won't know if they read it, but I hope they do.
Random Compliment:
Suzie: Me and you I don't think have ever truly seen eye-to-eye. We are different people, we always will be. But you have such a talent. What that talent is? Seems to be whatever you try. You were an amazing reporter, you are an amazing photographer and when you were doing shooting and editing, you were amazing at that too. I hope you are able to pick something you truly love and go with it, make a career out of it and become the best at all. I know you have it in you.
I hope Kyle is finally able to rest now. I hope he was able to see just how many people loved him.
R.I.P. Kyle
Friday, April 8, 2011
Give someone a compliment...
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept tossing and turning, thinking to myself how could this have possibly been avoided? I don't know the circumstances behind why Kyle did it, and I won't pretend that I had spoken to him enough recently to have a clue.
When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was open up facebook and check his page. The compliments rolling in on his page are endless. "You were taken too early, you were too damn talented, you had such much potential, such a great kid and great friend". My blog post about him alone had over 150 views. For my previous 20 posts, I had barely 400. Makes me wonder, where were all these people when he was alive? Where was I, when he was alive.
You have to imagine that if he knew that all these people cared about him so, if he heard people tell him kind words once in awhile, maybe, just maybe this could've been avoided.
I'm asking everyone who reads this to do somethingfor me. for Kyle.
Give somebody a compliment. Make a point to do it once a day. And I'm not talking about your best friend, who you walk up behind on a path and say "damn girl, your hair looks good today". I'm talking about someone who you care about, but may not speak to that often. I don't care how you do it. You can send it in a message on FB if you are too nervous to do it in person. You can write it down, you can post it somewhere, just make sure they hear it. Whether or not it makes you feel better, it may make them feel better. The thought may go through their mind that "oh, somebody really does care about me, really does think that I do something well". And it might make that person's day just a little bit better.
Let me start, as I have two compliments to send out to people I used to be close to and have fallen away from:
Ilene: You are a great director. Really. I wish I would've told you that more often while I was at school, but I was being petty and didn't like the fact that you beat me in that election. For some reason, the thought of you becoming better than me didn't sit well. Why? I guess I was just immature. But there wasn't a day that went by where I wasn't proud of you. I remember how excited I was for you after the first show you finished. Keep with it. I may have taken another path but I know you are strong enough to persevere and become successful. You have a great future ahead of you. Good luck finding a job and just remember that I will be thinking about you.
Matt: Boy have we had some serious issues. I can't say I ever fully understood our friendship. One day we would be the best of friends, the next day, nothing. It was odd, to say the least. But the thing I have always admired about you is your ambition. No matter how much crap I gave you for being up all hours of the night doing whatever, you always fulfilled your obligations, and you always wanted to better yourself. You worked to get the top seat in STN, then switched over to SGA and was on the board, you worked with PRSSA, and now you work at the Hartford. You always strive to get to the next level. I'm happy that someone from our graduating class was able to find a job, and happy it could be you. You'll always be my first beer pong partner. I hope you are enjoying life as much now as you were in school.
See? Not that difficult. As humans, we have a tendency to only focus on the negative. If someone is doing something wrong, they will hear about it. Unfortunately, if someone is doing something right, they usually don't hear about it. This post is asking you to change that, if only for 10 minutes a day. Tell someone when they are doing something right. Put a smile on their face. It doesn't matter if it cheers you up, as long as it cheers them up.
R.I.P. Kyle.
When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was open up facebook and check his page. The compliments rolling in on his page are endless. "You were taken too early, you were too damn talented, you had such much potential, such a great kid and great friend". My blog post about him alone had over 150 views. For my previous 20 posts, I had barely 400. Makes me wonder, where were all these people when he was alive? Where was I, when he was alive.
You have to imagine that if he knew that all these people cared about him so, if he heard people tell him kind words once in awhile, maybe, just maybe this could've been avoided.
I'm asking everyone who reads this to do something
Give somebody a compliment. Make a point to do it once a day. And I'm not talking about your best friend, who you walk up behind on a path and say "damn girl, your hair looks good today". I'm talking about someone who you care about, but may not speak to that often. I don't care how you do it. You can send it in a message on FB if you are too nervous to do it in person. You can write it down, you can post it somewhere, just make sure they hear it. Whether or not it makes you feel better, it may make them feel better. The thought may go through their mind that "oh, somebody really does care about me, really does think that I do something well". And it might make that person's day just a little bit better.
Let me start, as I have two compliments to send out to people I used to be close to and have fallen away from:
Ilene: You are a great director. Really. I wish I would've told you that more often while I was at school, but I was being petty and didn't like the fact that you beat me in that election. For some reason, the thought of you becoming better than me didn't sit well. Why? I guess I was just immature. But there wasn't a day that went by where I wasn't proud of you. I remember how excited I was for you after the first show you finished. Keep with it. I may have taken another path but I know you are strong enough to persevere and become successful. You have a great future ahead of you. Good luck finding a job and just remember that I will be thinking about you.
Matt: Boy have we had some serious issues. I can't say I ever fully understood our friendship. One day we would be the best of friends, the next day, nothing. It was odd, to say the least. But the thing I have always admired about you is your ambition. No matter how much crap I gave you for being up all hours of the night doing whatever, you always fulfilled your obligations, and you always wanted to better yourself. You worked to get the top seat in STN, then switched over to SGA and was on the board, you worked with PRSSA, and now you work at the Hartford. You always strive to get to the next level. I'm happy that someone from our graduating class was able to find a job, and happy it could be you. You'll always be my first beer pong partner. I hope you are enjoying life as much now as you were in school.
See? Not that difficult. As humans, we have a tendency to only focus on the negative. If someone is doing something wrong, they will hear about it. Unfortunately, if someone is doing something right, they usually don't hear about it. This post is asking you to change that, if only for 10 minutes a day. Tell someone when they are doing something right. Put a smile on their face. It doesn't matter if it cheers you up, as long as it cheers them up.
R.I.P. Kyle.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
R.I.P. Kyle
I'm not sure I should be writing this yet. I haven't had enough time to really process anything. I feel numb, and I feel in shock.
Honestly, I'm just trying to understand. I know people, to this day, who (while sad) I wouldn't be surprised to find out if they did this. Kyle was not one of those people.
This one is getting to me worse than I would've ever imagined. Me and him were friends, don't get me wrong, but we maybe had spoken twice since graduation. So why is this getting to me so much?
He had SO much potential. So much. I never met somebody who caught onto things, who understood the world and what he wanted to do as much as Kyle. I easily saw him running a television station in about five or ten years. No question about it. He was the definition of a down-to-earth kind of guy.
I felt so bad for him. During his time as GM of STN, he did so much. He tried so hard. His goal was always for the betterment of the organization. He never seemed to have any type of ulterior motive, any selfish reasoning. Yet, people were always questioning him, always giving him crap for who knows what reasons? Because he didn't quite fit in with the rest of us? Because he sat in the corner and wore his headphones so he could get his work done? Because he talked too much? I never understood why so many people had so many problems with him. He was really was a great guy.
I do not dis-include myself from this. Me and him fought. I disagreed with some of his decisions, and I made it known. But we talked. A lot. He would vent to me about his issues with the organization, and I remember on more than a few occasions just sitting in the engineering room in the studio talking, or sitting in the office at night, talking. Honestly, I missed it when I left. He was one of a very few objective observers that I could talk to about anything I wanted.
I'll never forget, the end of my freshman year, STN's GM and Chief Engineer Kevin Callahan. It was during elections, we all knew Kyle was going to win. Kevin got up and (I don't remember the quote 100%) but it was something along the lines of "I'm glad I'm graduating now, because this kid is about to surpass me in knowledge", something like that. From a senior to a freshman engineer, that is about the best compliment you can receive. And it was true. He had such a knack for what he loved. He was amazing at it. I could ask him any question and get a 20 minute rambling answer about it, but he always knew what he was talking about. And you know what? That 20 minute rambling answer was his way of making sure he explained it the best way he knew. It meant a lot to him to make sure your question was fully answered.
I remember this summer. We hadn't spoken for a few months, and I believed I IM'ed him (might've been the other way around) because I was depressed about not being able to find a job and I thought he could help. We talked, for about a half hour, just BS'ed about how things were going, and it really helped. I only talked to him online a few times, and I honestly I wish I could've done it more. He had a way to make you feel better if you really needed it, without even trying.
Please people, don't just brush this off. Take it to help yourself. Brendan, if you are reading this, I saw you put in your status earlier when you found out that the last contact you had with him was an argument about a suspension. I hope all of you (including myself) can maybe find a way to drop the little things. So many of us hold stupid little grudges about the tiniest little things. Find a way to forgive. You never know when something horrible like this could happen, and you don't want the last thing you said to a person to be the worst thing you've said.
Kyle obviously had some serious demons. I won't pretend to know why he did this. But I can be sure he is not the only person out there who feels like it. If anybody has ever wondered why I push people to get help, to talk about their problems, it's because this is usually the alternative. Demons always win. Please be there for anybody you can. Please try to help them, don't make it worse. I urge anybody with demons to get help. It doesn't have to be with a therapist, it can be with a friend. Talk to someone. Get it out there. Nobody should have to suffer alone.
*Edit: I'd like to make a point to make sure people remember this. When bad things happen, it changes people, for about three days. Then you forget about it, and move on. That shouldn't be the case. I'm not saying we should be depressed forever, as I know Kyle wouldn't want that, but we should not just brush it aside. Make a point to be there for whoever you can be.
This is going to be tough to get over. Kyle, you were a great person and a better friend. If you believe in it, I hope you are sitting in heaven, talking God's ear off. I can't thank you enough for everything you did. Not just for me, but for everyone, for STN, for FOX, and everyone you touched down here. You had such a bright future. I am going to miss you man, very much. You taught me about television, and so much more. Rest in peace, buddy.
Honestly, I'm just trying to understand. I know people, to this day, who (while sad) I wouldn't be surprised to find out if they did this. Kyle was not one of those people.
This one is getting to me worse than I would've ever imagined. Me and him were friends, don't get me wrong, but we maybe had spoken twice since graduation. So why is this getting to me so much?
He had SO much potential. So much. I never met somebody who caught onto things, who understood the world and what he wanted to do as much as Kyle. I easily saw him running a television station in about five or ten years. No question about it. He was the definition of a down-to-earth kind of guy.
I felt so bad for him. During his time as GM of STN, he did so much. He tried so hard. His goal was always for the betterment of the organization. He never seemed to have any type of ulterior motive, any selfish reasoning. Yet, people were always questioning him, always giving him crap for who knows what reasons? Because he didn't quite fit in with the rest of us? Because he sat in the corner and wore his headphones so he could get his work done? Because he talked too much? I never understood why so many people had so many problems with him. He was really was a great guy.
I do not dis-include myself from this. Me and him fought. I disagreed with some of his decisions, and I made it known. But we talked. A lot. He would vent to me about his issues with the organization, and I remember on more than a few occasions just sitting in the engineering room in the studio talking, or sitting in the office at night, talking. Honestly, I missed it when I left. He was one of a very few objective observers that I could talk to about anything I wanted.
I'll never forget, the end of my freshman year, STN's GM and Chief Engineer Kevin Callahan. It was during elections, we all knew Kyle was going to win. Kevin got up and (I don't remember the quote 100%) but it was something along the lines of "I'm glad I'm graduating now, because this kid is about to surpass me in knowledge", something like that. From a senior to a freshman engineer, that is about the best compliment you can receive. And it was true. He had such a knack for what he loved. He was amazing at it. I could ask him any question and get a 20 minute rambling answer about it, but he always knew what he was talking about. And you know what? That 20 minute rambling answer was his way of making sure he explained it the best way he knew. It meant a lot to him to make sure your question was fully answered.
I remember this summer. We hadn't spoken for a few months, and I believed I IM'ed him (might've been the other way around) because I was depressed about not being able to find a job and I thought he could help. We talked, for about a half hour, just BS'ed about how things were going, and it really helped. I only talked to him online a few times, and I honestly I wish I could've done it more. He had a way to make you feel better if you really needed it, without even trying.
Please people, don't just brush this off. Take it to help yourself. Brendan, if you are reading this, I saw you put in your status earlier when you found out that the last contact you had with him was an argument about a suspension. I hope all of you (including myself) can maybe find a way to drop the little things. So many of us hold stupid little grudges about the tiniest little things. Find a way to forgive. You never know when something horrible like this could happen, and you don't want the last thing you said to a person to be the worst thing you've said.
Kyle obviously had some serious demons. I won't pretend to know why he did this. But I can be sure he is not the only person out there who feels like it. If anybody has ever wondered why I push people to get help, to talk about their problems, it's because this is usually the alternative. Demons always win. Please be there for anybody you can. Please try to help them, don't make it worse. I urge anybody with demons to get help. It doesn't have to be with a therapist, it can be with a friend. Talk to someone. Get it out there. Nobody should have to suffer alone.
*Edit: I'd like to make a point to make sure people remember this. When bad things happen, it changes people, for about three days. Then you forget about it, and move on. That shouldn't be the case. I'm not saying we should be depressed forever, as I know Kyle wouldn't want that, but we should not just brush it aside. Make a point to be there for whoever you can be.
This is going to be tough to get over. Kyle, you were a great person and a better friend. If you believe in it, I hope you are sitting in heaven, talking God's ear off. I can't thank you enough for everything you did. Not just for me, but for everyone, for STN, for FOX, and everyone you touched down here. You had such a bright future. I am going to miss you man, very much. You taught me about television, and so much more. Rest in peace, buddy.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tonight
Tonight was ....good.
Not in terms of it being overly fun (it was, don't get me wrong) but more in the way that I actually got to spend some time with someone I really, truly do care about. There seems to be so few of those people to me right now, it was really nice to spend time with one.
For about three hours or so, everything that was bothering me just didn't seem to really matter. I got to focus on just talking, having fun, and whatever else. Nice change.
Sucks though. She is simultaneously the reason I don't want to leave and the reason I know I have to. Sucks to have that problem, doesn't it?
Oh well, just have to move on, as I've stated before. In the meantime, I hope we get to hang out like that again. Good to have a break from being depressed all the time.
Song currently stuck in my head:
What do you want- Jerrod Niemann
Not in terms of it being overly fun (it was, don't get me wrong) but more in the way that I actually got to spend some time with someone I really, truly do care about. There seems to be so few of those people to me right now, it was really nice to spend time with one.
For about three hours or so, everything that was bothering me just didn't seem to really matter. I got to focus on just talking, having fun, and whatever else. Nice change.
Sucks though. She is simultaneously the reason I don't want to leave and the reason I know I have to. Sucks to have that problem, doesn't it?
Oh well, just have to move on, as I've stated before. In the meantime, I hope we get to hang out like that again. Good to have a break from being depressed all the time.
Song currently stuck in my head:
What do you want- Jerrod Niemann
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Bittersweet
I never thought that "bittersweet" would be the name of a post about getting into grad school. Yes, that's right, I got in to Quinnipiac. I am extremely excited and more relieved than anything about getting in. I was freaking out the past week about getting the letter, knowing it would be coming on Friday. I stared out the window for an hour yesterday, waiting for the mailman. I couldn't do anything else. The envelope had "congratulations" on the front, so I knew right away. May have taken some of the suspense away, but I was glad to know. I won't get into what I was considering had I not gotten in, though for the *one* of you out there that knows, I'm sure glad I got in.
I plan on going apartment hunting at the beginning of June when my sister comes home, and if all goes to plan, move up there near the end of June-early July. I still have plenty of work to do (paperwork, research, money, etc.) but I'm excited. Things are headed in the right direction.
However, I want to go back 10 months or so. I never in a million years thought I would meet anybody at Sam's that I would be sad to leave. Never. I had pretty much confirmed that after about 6 months. I had some decent friends, some people I would talk to things about, but still nobody that would make getting into school seem bittersweet.
Then something strange happened. Two people kind of walked into my life. One I had known since the beginning, and one I kind of "re-met" after a leave of absence. I became close to these two faster than I ever expected. And now, instead of being overly excited about the prospect of leaving, I'm actually a bit sad about having to leave them. Don't get me wrong, the thought of leaving the job makes me smile like no other, but the thought of leaving them is tough to swallow.
I know it only happened yesterday, but since I got in I've been trying to figure out how I can keep them in my life. I will be the first to admit I am absolutely horrible at long-distance anything. I have trouble keeping in touch, I royally suck at phone calls, and my distance issues are the main reason why my last relationship exploded. Granted, it was a relationship, not a friendship, but same general idea. I'm just not sure how I am going to make it work. It's tough to think about, because they are such a big part of my life right now.
It's funny, when you look back on it. I can look back through my life and find a bunch of people that I felt close to. Out of those, am I still close with any of them? Not really. Look back at your life for a second. Go to high school. Middle school. Earlier than that, if you prefer. How many people in your life were you close to? Even if it was only for one summer, or one winterterm class (hey, Haley), whatever. Looking back at middle school, I still think about Lindsay and Maria (I won't use last names for privacy reasons). I used to talk to these two on the phone every single night. Every night. I would walk to the baseball field to meet with them. Today? If I walked by Maria on the street, I would bet my life savings that she wouldn't even recognize me. Lindsay may, but it would be an awkward conversation at best. I would bet each and every one of us have people like that. And I would bet that we would wish we were still close with at least one of them. I know I do.
But life takes us in different directions. Like grad school. When I got into undergrad, did I ever think in a million years that I would be going to grad school? No. Not at all. I laughed at the idea. But here I am. Going. And I know I will meet new people there, that may or may not make me forgot about people here. But maybe not.
So here's to you two (you know who you are). Thank you for having an impact on my life. An impact that I would not have expected at all. I know this is a bittersweet post, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. Both of you. You are great people and I know you will have an amazing life, doing whatever you want. I hope that we are able to keep in touch, I really do. If circumstances were different, who knows what else could've happened (that is directed at one of you). I hope you read this and smile (you know how much I love your smile). I hope you both know that I am there for you at anytime, don't be afraid to drop a line.
I know this is a bit premature, but a new beginning makes you look back and what is ending. A large portion of this chapter I will want to forget, but I won't forget you. Try not to forget about me either.
Song currently stuck in my head:
Show me what I'm looking for- Carolina Liar
I plan on going apartment hunting at the beginning of June when my sister comes home, and if all goes to plan, move up there near the end of June-early July. I still have plenty of work to do (paperwork, research, money, etc.) but I'm excited. Things are headed in the right direction.
However, I want to go back 10 months or so. I never in a million years thought I would meet anybody at Sam's that I would be sad to leave. Never. I had pretty much confirmed that after about 6 months. I had some decent friends, some people I would talk to things about, but still nobody that would make getting into school seem bittersweet.
Then something strange happened. Two people kind of walked into my life. One I had known since the beginning, and one I kind of "re-met" after a leave of absence. I became close to these two faster than I ever expected. And now, instead of being overly excited about the prospect of leaving, I'm actually a bit sad about having to leave them. Don't get me wrong, the thought of leaving the job makes me smile like no other, but the thought of leaving them is tough to swallow.
I know it only happened yesterday, but since I got in I've been trying to figure out how I can keep them in my life. I will be the first to admit I am absolutely horrible at long-distance anything. I have trouble keeping in touch, I royally suck at phone calls, and my distance issues are the main reason why my last relationship exploded. Granted, it was a relationship, not a friendship, but same general idea. I'm just not sure how I am going to make it work. It's tough to think about, because they are such a big part of my life right now.
It's funny, when you look back on it. I can look back through my life and find a bunch of people that I felt close to. Out of those, am I still close with any of them? Not really. Look back at your life for a second. Go to high school. Middle school. Earlier than that, if you prefer. How many people in your life were you close to? Even if it was only for one summer, or one winterterm class (hey, Haley), whatever. Looking back at middle school, I still think about Lindsay and Maria (I won't use last names for privacy reasons). I used to talk to these two on the phone every single night. Every night. I would walk to the baseball field to meet with them. Today? If I walked by Maria on the street, I would bet my life savings that she wouldn't even recognize me. Lindsay may, but it would be an awkward conversation at best. I would bet each and every one of us have people like that. And I would bet that we would wish we were still close with at least one of them. I know I do.
But life takes us in different directions. Like grad school. When I got into undergrad, did I ever think in a million years that I would be going to grad school? No. Not at all. I laughed at the idea. But here I am. Going. And I know I will meet new people there, that may or may not make me forgot about people here. But maybe not.
So here's to you two (you know who you are). Thank you for having an impact on my life. An impact that I would not have expected at all. I know this is a bittersweet post, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. Both of you. You are great people and I know you will have an amazing life, doing whatever you want. I hope that we are able to keep in touch, I really do. If circumstances were different, who knows what else could've happened (that is directed at one of you). I hope you read this and smile (you know how much I love your smile). I hope you both know that I am there for you at anytime, don't be afraid to drop a line.
I know this is a bit premature, but a new beginning makes you look back and what is ending. A large portion of this chapter I will want to forget, but I won't forget you. Try not to forget about me either.
Song currently stuck in my head:
Show me what I'm looking for- Carolina Liar
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