Bittersweet

I never thought that "bittersweet" would be the name of a post about getting into grad school. Yes, that's right, I got in to Quinnipiac. I am extremely excited and more relieved than anything about getting in. I was freaking out the past week about getting the letter, knowing it would be coming on Friday. I stared out the window for an hour yesterday, waiting for the mailman. I couldn't do anything else. The envelope had "congratulations" on the front, so I knew right away. May have taken some of the suspense away, but I was glad to know. I won't get into what I was considering had I not gotten in, though for the *one* of you out there that knows, I'm sure glad I got in. 


I plan on going apartment hunting at the beginning of June when my sister comes home, and if all goes to plan, move up there near the end of June-early July. I still have plenty of work to do (paperwork, research, money, etc.) but I'm excited. Things are headed in the right direction.


However, I want to go back 10 months or so. I never in a million years thought I would meet anybody at Sam's that I would be sad to leave. Never. I had pretty much confirmed that after about 6 months. I had some decent friends, some people I would talk to things about, but still nobody that would make getting into school seem bittersweet. 


Then something strange happened. Two people kind of walked into my life. One I had known since the beginning, and one I kind of "re-met" after a leave of absence. I became close to these two faster than I ever expected. And now, instead of being overly excited about the prospect of leaving, I'm actually a bit sad about having to leave them. Don't get me wrong, the thought of leaving the job makes me smile like no other, but the thought of leaving them is tough to swallow. 


I know it only happened yesterday, but since I got in I've been trying to figure out how I can keep them in my life. I will be the first to admit I am absolutely horrible at long-distance anything. I have trouble keeping in touch, I royally suck at phone calls, and my distance issues are the main reason why my last relationship exploded. Granted, it was a relationship, not a friendship, but same general idea. I'm just not sure how I am going to make it work. It's tough to think about, because they are such a big part of my life right now. 


It's funny, when you look back on it. I can look back through my life and find a bunch of people that I felt close to. Out of those, am I still close with any of them? Not really. Look back at your life for a second. Go to high school. Middle school. Earlier than that, if you prefer. How many people in your life were you close to? Even if it was only for one summer, or one winterterm class (hey, Haley), whatever. Looking back at middle school, I still think about Lindsay and Maria (I won't use last names for privacy reasons). I used to talk to these two on the phone every single night. Every night. I would walk to the baseball field to meet with them. Today? If I walked by Maria on the street, I would bet my life savings that she wouldn't even recognize me. Lindsay may, but it would be an awkward conversation at best. I would bet each and every one of us have people like that. And I would bet that we would wish we were still close with at least one of them. I know I do. 


But life takes us in different directions. Like grad school. When I got into undergrad, did I ever think in a million years that I would be going to grad school? No. Not at all. I laughed at the idea. But here I am. Going. And I know I will meet new people there, that may or may not make me forgot about people here. But maybe not. 


So here's to you two (you know who you are). Thank you for having an impact on my life. An impact that I would not have expected at all. I know this is a bittersweet post, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. Both of you. You are great people and I know you will have an amazing life, doing whatever you want. I hope that we are able to keep in touch, I really do. If circumstances were different, who knows what else could've happened (that is directed at one of you). I hope you read this and smile (you know how much I love your smile). I hope you both know that I am there for you at anytime, don't be afraid to drop a line.


I know this is a bit premature, but a new beginning makes you look back and what is ending. A large portion of this chapter I will want to forget, but I won't forget you. Try not to forget about me either. 


Song currently stuck in my head:
Show me what I'm looking for- Carolina Liar