Tonight

Tonight was ....good.


Not in terms of it being overly fun (it was, don't get me wrong) but more in the way that I actually got to spend some time with someone I really, truly do care about. There seems to be so few of those people to me right now, it was really nice to spend time with one. 


For about three hours or so, everything that was bothering me just didn't seem to really matter. I got to focus on just talking, having fun, and whatever else. Nice change.


Sucks though. She is simultaneously the reason I don't want to leave and the reason I know I have to. Sucks to have that problem, doesn't it?


Oh well, just have to move on, as I've stated before. In the meantime, I hope we get to hang out like that again. Good to have a break from being depressed all the time. 


Song currently stuck in my head:
What do you want- Jerrod Niemann 

Bittersweet

I never thought that "bittersweet" would be the name of a post about getting into grad school. Yes, that's right, I got in to Quinnipiac. I am extremely excited and more relieved than anything about getting in. I was freaking out the past week about getting the letter, knowing it would be coming on Friday. I stared out the window for an hour yesterday, waiting for the mailman. I couldn't do anything else. The envelope had "congratulations" on the front, so I knew right away. May have taken some of the suspense away, but I was glad to know. I won't get into what I was considering had I not gotten in, though for the *one* of you out there that knows, I'm sure glad I got in. 


I plan on going apartment hunting at the beginning of June when my sister comes home, and if all goes to plan, move up there near the end of June-early July. I still have plenty of work to do (paperwork, research, money, etc.) but I'm excited. Things are headed in the right direction.


However, I want to go back 10 months or so. I never in a million years thought I would meet anybody at Sam's that I would be sad to leave. Never. I had pretty much confirmed that after about 6 months. I had some decent friends, some people I would talk to things about, but still nobody that would make getting into school seem bittersweet. 


Then something strange happened. Two people kind of walked into my life. One I had known since the beginning, and one I kind of "re-met" after a leave of absence. I became close to these two faster than I ever expected. And now, instead of being overly excited about the prospect of leaving, I'm actually a bit sad about having to leave them. Don't get me wrong, the thought of leaving the job makes me smile like no other, but the thought of leaving them is tough to swallow. 


I know it only happened yesterday, but since I got in I've been trying to figure out how I can keep them in my life. I will be the first to admit I am absolutely horrible at long-distance anything. I have trouble keeping in touch, I royally suck at phone calls, and my distance issues are the main reason why my last relationship exploded. Granted, it was a relationship, not a friendship, but same general idea. I'm just not sure how I am going to make it work. It's tough to think about, because they are such a big part of my life right now. 


It's funny, when you look back on it. I can look back through my life and find a bunch of people that I felt close to. Out of those, am I still close with any of them? Not really. Look back at your life for a second. Go to high school. Middle school. Earlier than that, if you prefer. How many people in your life were you close to? Even if it was only for one summer, or one winterterm class (hey, Haley), whatever. Looking back at middle school, I still think about Lindsay and Maria (I won't use last names for privacy reasons). I used to talk to these two on the phone every single night. Every night. I would walk to the baseball field to meet with them. Today? If I walked by Maria on the street, I would bet my life savings that she wouldn't even recognize me. Lindsay may, but it would be an awkward conversation at best. I would bet each and every one of us have people like that. And I would bet that we would wish we were still close with at least one of them. I know I do. 


But life takes us in different directions. Like grad school. When I got into undergrad, did I ever think in a million years that I would be going to grad school? No. Not at all. I laughed at the idea. But here I am. Going. And I know I will meet new people there, that may or may not make me forgot about people here. But maybe not. 


So here's to you two (you know who you are). Thank you for having an impact on my life. An impact that I would not have expected at all. I know this is a bittersweet post, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. Both of you. You are great people and I know you will have an amazing life, doing whatever you want. I hope that we are able to keep in touch, I really do. If circumstances were different, who knows what else could've happened (that is directed at one of you). I hope you read this and smile (you know how much I love your smile). I hope you both know that I am there for you at anytime, don't be afraid to drop a line.


I know this is a bit premature, but a new beginning makes you look back and what is ending. A large portion of this chapter I will want to forget, but I won't forget you. Try not to forget about me either. 


Song currently stuck in my head:
Show me what I'm looking for- Carolina Liar

The most exciting time of the year (For me, at least)

Just feel it necessary to bitch for a few minutes about March Madness and my bracket this year. Going into the second half of the Sweet Sixteen games tonight, I have all of two teams still alive. Ohio State (my pick to win it all) and Richmond (my Cinderella).


What the fuck? Seriously. I didn't follow college basketball this season, but this tournament has been a giant mindfuck. Butler? Again? How about Arizona barely getting by Memphis, then beating everyone's trendy Texas pick and then kicking the crap out of the Yankees of college basketball, Duke? Marquette getting by Syracuse. Who would've had VCU and Florida State playing for a chance to go to the Elite Eight? Most people were pissed that VCU even got in. 


If there is one year where the selection committee seriously screwed up, this would be the year. It is still feasible that nobody higher than a #5 seed could be in the Final Four. That shouldn't happen. We all love to root for the underdog, but not four underdogs. 


On a bit of a sidenote, I'd have to say right now I am pulling for Butler. They came so unbelievably close last year, coming within one shot of being the national champion. This year, somehow they still managed to fly under the radar and now experts are surprised again that they are in contention. That program over there is not one to underrate. I love Matt Howard, believe he plays harder than any man out there and his intensity is awesome to watch. I hope they kick the shit out of Florida in the next round. 

The same thing happened to me last year, but this is always a time when I seriously miss my time at ESPN. I had the chance to work there during tournament time in 2009 and let me say, I don't think anything will ever measure up. I (somehow) never manage to friend people who care about sports as much as I do, therefore I have nobody to get excited with when something ridiculous happens in the tournament. Hell, I was at work the other day and I asked a few people if they knew what was happening in the tournament, and they didn't even know what it was! I didn't think there was a soul out there who didn't know what it was. 


Anyway, the best part of being at ESPN and watching these games was the reactions of the others working there. People who watch SportsCenter on a regular basis only see the anchors on camera. Very boring, objective, etc. That is not even close to the case off the camera. I had the luxury of watching that ridiculous six overtime game between Syracuse and UConn two years ago with Scott Van Pelt and John Buccigross (two consummate professionals) and it was like watching it with two 15-year olds rooting for their favorite teams. It was incredible. The entire studio went insane at every shot. I've never been around that many sports fans at one time and I'm not sure I ever will be again. I miss it so much.


Another sidenote, that was the year my bracket did the best, for obvious reasons. I had the chance to watch all the games leading up to the tournament, and I knew more about college basketball (and hockey, for that matter) than I had before or since. 


Why do I want to work in sports so badly? That's why. The atmosphere, something that is truly lacking in my current life. I want to be surrounded by sports fans, people who care about it as much or more than I do. I'm tired of having to explain why the NCAA tournament is exciting, and important. I want people that know the answer and can get as excited as I do when Matt Howard hits that last second bucket to move onto the next round. 


Song currently stuck in my head:
Hearts on Parade- American Hi-Fi

An Ode to Characters

It's amazing who you meet throughout your life.


I know I constantly bitch about my job. And the truth is, yes I absolutely hate it. Hate it. As cocky and arrogant as it sounds, I believe it is below me. I know I am unbelievably overqualified for it. But that isn't the point of this post. 


When I first started at Sam's, I was always under the impression that the people who work there are just people who have no ambition, who can't speak English, and who just never wanted to do anything with their lives. While that is true for a few of the people there, I have discovered that I was still way off base. In corporate America (where I probably want to work one day), there seems to be a very generic person who works there. Suit, tie, very bland personality, etc. (Again, I do admit this doesn't hold true for everybody, but I'm generalizing here)


The people I work with now could not be more different. They each have a very distinct personality, and for the most part they get to be themselves, in and out of work. In 9 months (yes I've been working there 9, longgggg, months) I have met,


-Someone who can manage to care about all others without having a ulterior motive, something I envy
-A 19 year old mother who (while struggling) has a glow and hope in her eyes like no other when she talks about her daughter
-An Indian woman who is nicer than any American I've ever met
-A 30-something beautiful and sweet Russian woman who has a dress sense that would put 18 year olds to shame
-A 29 year old who has no ambition and no people skills, who is convinced he cannot be wrong
-A woman who looks more like John Lennon than John Lennon
-2 women who are dumber than I ever thought it was possible to be
-A woman who has gone through a worse tragedy than I could possibly imagine, yet still comes to work with a smile on her face (G.M.H)
- An Indian man who could easily be a motivational speaker
-A 60-something man who was once a big-wig at his company, until he get laid off, now trying to work any way he can
-Another 60-something boss of sorts who I wish was my grandfather
-A boss who tries too hard
-A boss who I'm pretty sure was once a man
-And some the smartest, most intelligent people out there


I don't like some of them. Some of them I do. But every one is unique, something many jobs lack. For those of you from work who may be reading this, feel free to speculate which one you are. If I left you out, that doesn't mean anything. 


I hope I am able to meet characters like this throughout my life. But for now, it is truly an experience for me. Everyone in high school blended in. Believe it or not, many in college blended in too. Not in this job. 


You all have had an impact on my life, whether it be big or small. This post is for you. Don't let anybody tell you that you aren't good enough. Yeah, you have a crappy job, so what? That means you are worthless? Absolutely not. I wish you all the best in the future and I hope you are happy and able to accomplish whatever you set your mind to. 


Song currently stuck in my head:
Goodbye, My Lover- James Blunt

#icareaboutnobody

This has really been bugging me. Say you have a friend, or a family member, or anybody you know personally who has a drug problem. Could be anything, from something as little as pot, to something as bad as coke. If you knew that person was struggling, what would you do? I assume, at least for any generally sane person who cares about people at all, you would help them out. Try to get them into a rehab program, try to make them realize they have a problem. I assume you would not crack jokes at their expense, or encourage them to continue to make you laugh.


That is for a personal friend, or somebody you know. So why do celebrities seem to get the raw deal? Because they are rich? Because they make more in a week then most of us will make in five years? So what? They are still human beings. 


This is what I'm seeing with the now-debacle that is Charlie Sheen. The man has some serious issues, obviously. He is a mess, living with porn stars who further his drug habit to get his money, and an endangerment to his kids. Yet for some reason, every time I see something about him, it is nothing but criticism. This is where the "money is the root of all evil" saying comes into play. 

That is the shell of a former acting star

Charlie Sheen has nobody. He has no friends. He has people, that talk to him for his money, for his fame. Yet, is anybody talking to him, saying "hey Charlie, you have a serious problem, you need to get some help". No. This is only furthered by the fact that the general public has now adopted his stupid "winning" and "tigerblood" catchphrases into everyday life. Somebody like Charlie Sheen (who gained over a million followers in a day after joining Twitter) will interpret this as he is doing the right thing, and people are following in his example. From what I heard, he is thinking about going on the road, to do a show of just him, ranting. Seriously?


This seems to happen all the time. If there is one time the general public needs to back off, it is when celebrities have a problem. I know most of us believe they don't deserve the money they are making, but bottom line, they are still human. Most of us would not be able to handle people following us around, documenting every aspect of our lives for 10 mins, let alone an entire lifetime. We look at people like Tom Hanks or Meryl Streep and say, "that is how they are supposed to be acting", when in reality, most celebs can't live up to that. For every Tom Hanks, we get 10 Charlie Sheens. For every Meryl Streep, we get 10 Lindsay Lohans. 


We all have our problems, and some of us would probably look just as bad if our lives were shown to the national public. Leave these people alone. Let them get some help, alone, without cameras following their every move. Charlie Sheen was a great actor. His "Wild Thing" Rick Vaughn may go down as one of the best characters of all time. Now, he is finished. At the rate he is going, he'll probably be dead within a year. 


All I'm saying is none of us are perfect, so stop asking celebrities to be. Support them when they need it, don't make it worse. 


Song currently stuck in my head:
Overrated (Everything Is) - Less Than Jake

Oh, No.

Aargh!!!! According to the X-Ray, there is nothing wrong with my back. NOT what I wanted to hear. I know, that sounds weird, right? But after having so many problems with my back, and my legs, I honestly want them to find SOMETHING. Just so I know it's not all in my head. But nope, nothing. It's frustrating. I know the pain isn't in my head. It causes me to not be able to stand some days. According to my doctor, I just need to stretch. And go to physical therapy for two months. Oh wait, I can't afford it. What a freaking surprise.


But hey, things are kind of starting to look up. Sent in my final piece of material to Quinnipiac. I really hope I get in. After spending months and months being rejected from every job I have applied/interviewed for, I need to accepted into something. For the sake of my own sanity, I need to get out of here. 


On a sidenote, sad news today from my old STN'ers. This video has been circulating the web since yesterday, with Deadspin dubbing it as the "next boom goes the dynamite"

Ugh. We had some horrid shows in the past, but come on, really? That is how STN is going to be represented? I feel bad for you, I really do. But hey, on the positive side, the guy from the boom goes the dynamite thing is doing pretty well, so maybe there is some hope for you yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that is lowest low you will experience in your television career. And hey, you're famous!


That's pretty much it. It is monsooning in New Jersey right now. My backyard has finally turned into the in-ground pool I've always wanted. Unfortunately, it won't stay like that. We also have a moat! Good times, right?


Disclaimer: Love to STN <3 I'm not criticizing you, because I know I was apart of some bad ones. I just know you guys are capable of so much better. (I'm pretty sure, at least)


Song currently stuck in my head:
Carolina in my Mind- James Taylor

What happened to Dane Cook?

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. Been busy being sick, and writing stuff for phin phanatic.

I really don't have much to say. Though I do have one thing. I just got finished watching a new Dane Cook special on Comedy Central. It's funny.

I feel for Dane. I'm sure going through the past 3 years, you have developed a very strong opinion of him. Remember a few years back, he was the biggest thing on earth? Everyone was quoting him, saying how he was the funniest person alive, and all that stuff. Then, pretty much out of nowhere, everyone turned on him. Anytime I searched him on youtube, the comments were always along of the lines of "Dane Cook sux, he knows nothing about comedy. People who like him have no brains"

I'll admit, I went with it. I started saying I hated him, said he didn't live up to comedians like Brian Regan and Mitch Hedberg. In reality, I just stopped listening to him because I wanted to be like everyone else. I still thought his old stuff was pretty funny.

Well after listening to him tonight, I kind of feel bad for dissing him. His new stuff is funny. His old stuff was funny. He just suffered from becoming too popular, too fast. Not his fault. This happens with a lot of people out there. They get bigger then every they ever expected, and then crash down to earth, hard. He actually made a joke out of all the hate mail he got during the past three years, and guess what? It was funny.

It bothers me when people criticize stand-up comedians. Do you know the balls it takes to go up in front of an audience and try to be funny for an hour. Most of us, especially the ones who sit and criticize, couldn't do it for five minutes. I give them an unbelievable amount of credit, and to Dane Cook, keep chugging along, buddy.

Song Currently Stuck in my Head:
Mr. Jones- Counting Crows

Good News!

Some good news out of my life today. I got a *job* (I can't call it a real job cause it's actually unpaid) writing for phinphanatic.com! That is a blog dedicated exclusively to coverage of my favorite football team. the Miami Dolphins. I'm very excited for the opportunity to a) sharpen my writing skills and b) write about my favorite team. I'd like to thank Brian Miller for giving me the chance.

Anyway, my first article is up and online. It is called "Why is finding a franchise QB so important?" For those of you who don't know much about sports, you more than likely won't understand it. For those who do however, you will hopefully enjoy it. Read it, and let me know what you think!

Song currently stuck in my head:
Seven- Dave Matthews Band

Sunday's with No Football?

Know who that young fella is? That would none other then newly minted 20-year old, Trevor Bayne. Or as he is now known, the 2011 Daytona 500 champion. Not even legal yet, making his second start ever in the NASCAR Sprint Cup series, the young man from Knoxville, TN beat out some of NASCAR's finest drivers to win the biggest race of the year. I have to send out a huge congratulations to him. The kid doesn't isn't even racing the whole schedule this year (he's due for 17 of 36 races) but hey, he's the points leader at this moment.

...Which leads me into my first sports related post on this blog. As a hick deep-down, NASCAR is very close to my heart. I've been following it for years (though I kind of backed off during the college years), and to me it is more then watching cars drive around in a circle for three hours
 -As a sidenote, if you are one of those people that believe NASCAR is a waste of time, you should probably stop reading here. Thanks.

Jimmie Johnson has been dominating this sports for five years now. Every year, somebody comes up with a reason why THAT year is the year Jimmie will finally lose. Nobody is willing to give him the credit his deserves, which kills me. What does this man have to do to prove he is the best? People say the competition isn't up to par to what Dale Earnhardt faced in his day. Who cares? Jimmie is beating the people that are racing around him today. It is not his fault who he beats, he beats everyone.

In the spirit of argument though, I will give you five drivers I think have a legitimate chance to dethrone him this year, as well as a darkhose. Remember, this is just my opinion, so relax.

Denny Hamlin- 11

Last season's runner-up came within one race of winning the whole thing before losing to Jimmie at Homestead. Denny won 8 races last year and showed why he has probably the brightest future of anybody in racing. I believe the pressure got to him last year, but he is poised to have even a better year in 2011. When he makes the Chase (and he will), he will be better prepared. If his mind doesn't get the best of him, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see Denny with the trophy.

Kevin Harvick- 29
In the 10 Chase races last year, Harvick finished outside the Top 10 only once (15th), and posted an average finish of 5.8. Yet somehow, Harvick ended up 3rd in the standings. Shows you how well Johnson and Hamlin raced during that time. Harvick comes back this year with a new sponser and paint scheme, and that's it. I expect him to be just as competitive as last year, with an added fire from coming so close.

Jeff Gordon- 24

Remember when Gordon was the seasoned veteran and Jimmie was just a little rookie with potenial. That was 2002 people. Only 8 years later, Johnson now has more championships then Gordon and is the main man in the Hendrick stable. You don't think Gordon has motivation to get a fifth title? Maybe that is why Rick Hendrick shuffeled the crews around between Gordon, Johnson, Martin and Junior. With a new crew and crew chief, and a newly found desire, I expect to see the Jeff Gordon of old emerge.

Clint Bowyer- 33

The young man from Kansas came on strong during the Chase last season, with victories at New Hampshire and Talladega. He followed that up by running up front for most of the Daytona 500, before being shuffeled back at the end to finish 17th. His car looks good, RCR looks the strongest it has in years, and Bowyer looks poised for a breakout season.

Carl Edwards- 99
Did anybody see Edwards come on at the end of the Daytona 500? Holy hell, it looked like he was going to drive right through Trevor Bayne at the start finish line. The race defined Edwards for me. He was not talked about at all during the race, running mid pack. All of sudden, he was there at the end with a chance to win it. Edwards is not the flashiest, best looking or most talented driver out there. Yet he puts himself in a position to win every week. Last season, he won the final two races of the Chase and ended up 4th in the standings. If he can put together a full season and stay consistant, he may be able to do a championship backflip at the end.

Darkhorse: Joey Logano- 20

This kid is all of 20 years old, and has already managed to impress one of the best drivers out there. Found by Mark Martin a few years ago, he impressed Martin so much that he gave him the nickname of "sliced bread" (for obvious reasons) Logano went through a learning curve last year, but finished the season with 6 Top 10's during the Chase, including 4 Top 5's. Will he win the championship this year? Probably not. But I expect to see him in the Chase and possibly on the championship podium in a few years. Keep your eyes out for this one.

I'm actually very excited for this year's NASCAR season. I haven't followed it too closely in years, but with everyone gunning for JJ, it should be exciting.

Song currently stuck in my head:
Brick - Ben Folds Five

My how we've changed...

So yesterday when I logged onto Yahoo, I got a notification that I haven't checked my e-mail address from there in oh, about a year. I opened it up to reveal upwards of three thousand e-mails in there, most of which were either porn, sports, and some other stupid things I signed up for in the past seven years. After spending a good half hour deleting all those e-mails, I opened up my sent messages, just to see when and what the last e-mail I had sent from there was. (It was nothing) I had right around 150 sent messages in there, so I started deleting them. Then I came across a long string of e-mails between myself and a dear friend I had back in middle/high school (aka 2003). It wasn't about anything of relevance, but it got me thinking holy hell, that was 8 years ago?!?!?


It's amazing to look back and see how far technology has come and how fast it is moving. To clarify a bit, e-mail was all the rage, texting was barely a glint in our eye, and having apps on our cell phones? HA, very funny.

This is probably something similar to what your phone looks like today. You know the second you recieve an e-mail. Want to check out what's happening on Facebook or Twitter while at work? Sure, go ahead. Need to switch some money into your account for an emergency purchase? Just give me a sec. It's insane. I could literally sit in bed all day with my phone and manage to get done everything I need to.


Now...get ready...

This is the Motorola T720. Believe it or not, this was the top selling cell phone in 2003. You could text on it, in black and white. You could check the time. Hell you might've even been able to take a grainy, low-contrast photo. And oh yeah, you could call someone. (crazy right?)

2003 televisions. Boy do I miss my box set. Crappy picture. The only people who could afford those fancy new flat screens were those rich pricks who you never seemed to like too much.

Yes, that is a giant turtle swimming out of television set. Looks ridiculous. Yet, at work we are currently selling these (3D TV for those of you who aren't too smart up there), at the price of a little over 2,000 dollars. Those plain boring flat screens, come as cheap as about 300 dollars.

Last but not least, this lovely little device (not so little back in the day), the iPod. I believe I had one of these at one point in my life. This was the only model available for a long time at the beginning of the iPod phase. Held about 1,000 songs, which wasn't bad for the time. It played music. That's it. No picture taking. No video taking. No photo uploading. No games.(besides brickbreaker <3)

Today's iPods. I see color! I won't even get into the touch, which can do more then an iPod was ever meant to do. The highest calibar iPod today holds somewhere in the range of 20,000 songs, not to mention videos and all that other crap. Who the hell listens to 20,000 songs at once? Overkill? Yeah, a bit.


Anyway, all this happened in only 8 years. Doesn't sound like that long. I'm scared to see by 2020 how much technology will be running (ruining) our lives, if we can't live without it now. I don't know about you, but it makes me appreciate the men and women in the early part of 19th and 20th century who lived without it. I feel like they must've been better communicaters then ourselves, considering they actually talked to each other once in awhile.


Don't get me wrong, obviously technology has done some wonderful things for society. Where would we be without hospitals? Would people be able to survive the common cold. Yes, advancements have done great things for us. But when is enough, enough? Hell, we just had a supercomputer kick the shit out of two human minds on Jeopardy! Maybe the Terminator movies weren't that far off....


Take this into account, next time you can't take your eyes off your cell phone or computer screen. When you are with someone, don't pull out your phone to text someone every 30 seconds. Learn to have a conversation with someone. It's a lost art these days...


Song currently stuck in my head:
F*ck You- Cee Lo Green